Ouch

I was reading my friend Kara's blog. Wow, she is so brave to open up for everyone on her fears, potential flaws and sheer hopes and dreams. I read and am impressed and feel like a wuss all in the same second. Good writing Kara.

I think I am brave spitting out my feeling here. But what no one sees is that I write. Delete. Rewrite.Change, delete. Then Publish. Mainly do to the fear of what people will think of me, if I will be really honest.

Well here goes. Yesterday I had a conversation with a person I had never met. They brought up an tragic accident that happened to us at our church awhile back. Without knowing that I was pretty closely connected to it- they shared openly about their fears and complexes that have been created and actions that have resulted from it. Pretty raw- Gulp. I thought I had moved forward a bit in my healing emotionally from that tragic day. But I guess not. The person was super sweet and meant no harm at all. This past week a few things brought those feeling up in a few different ways and I am left saying "God I thought I was good?". Funny how when pressure is applied sometimes we see we sooo are not good with something.

My dialogue with God is kinda like this-"ok God I get it, I am so not past this yet" " (frustrated growl..)let's do this". Praying I don't flee the pain of dealing with guilt and responsibility of what happened. But instead embrace the face that I get the chance to grow from this now and no more pushing it down again. (seriously feels wrong to write that since it is so hard to do and so easy to write it) God has a funny way of keep bringing us full circle with stuff till we deal with it and kinda past the "test".

Has anyone ever had God be working on something that it kinda feels like you are in a dream where you forgot to get dressed and are standing in front of your class giving a speech. I feel like it is healthy before God to be so exposed. I just fight my instinct to grab a fig leaf and cover up the stuff hat is hard to deal with!

Cheers-here is to fig leaf free living.

Hair your mother would be proud of

Crazy Hair day today at school. Our house is always crazy-
maybe more crazy tonight when I try to detangle Em's
"electricuted" hair style. Yikes.

So proud I am posting something on the day it happened. Miracles never cease!

1st Julia was embarassed by her. How weird and uncool. Em looks in the mirror
"that rocks!" Julia's face was mortified. She tried to talk her out of it. Em says
"I don't care if people laugh, it is AWWWH-some"
She marches to her own beat for sure.
There is a strong artist of some sort dying to get out!

Indian Summer Mud fest

September weather was just as good as summertime here in Utah.
This is how we roll at our house!
Mud & Fun

And then we started another year

So I did try hard for a good siblings picture. But given it wrangling 4 kids for the first day of school solo it was a bit hard! But none the less they are looking an inch taller and very cute!

8,almost 2,and 4

3rd grade

1st grade

Erik didnt get a ind. pic. I have a faint memory he refused. Typical!