This post is made possible by Hilary Thompson. Her brave and exposed way of sharing her life has inspired me to dare to be less guarded with my approach to writing. Thank Hilary, for sharing one day to write a letter. Here goes.
Dear 2013,
You broke me into fine pieces. Many bumps, turn, construction and rebuilding. It was beautifully disastrous. Being left in a heap of rumble was the best place I have ever landed. Probably the most dark and alone I have felt in my entire life. I wrestled with culture's notion of healing, my idea of healing and what true healing is. And stripping away everyone else from my healing process so I could truly connect with a God that loved me and even my terrible pain. I have exposed more of me, to (probably) many's dismay my actual self, sorry it isn't that pretty but it is beautifully my imperfection. Take me or leave me but I don't have any time for b.s or being someone I am not so you will be happy with me. When you are shaken to the core I think you are forced to dig deep and extract something out of your faith, that is so fragile it is hardly understandable with your human mind. How pain when left in the hands of the Healer can birth amazingly precious things.
I am reflecting over much this January. Mainly about this mind blowing verse Jer. 15:22 that wrapped around me in the darkest of months in 2013.
“If you return, then I will restore you—
Before Me you will stand;
And if you extract the precious from the worthless,
You will become My spokesman.
I have reflected and feel brave enough to finally share this part of our journey. Not because of the victory but actually because of the battle it was this past year. Making a hard choice about your child's body is so hard. Especially with so many loved ones chiming in on what they feel is best. I will be honest I lived in trying to please" everyone mode for his first couple years. It was embarrassingly hard for my head, and easy for my heart to follow the path God had for healing for him. But I am glad we have made it thru and seen some "precious" stuff in my heart and for Frank's life. No regrets.
I needed to share this picture that still makes me cry today. I remember my feeling,fears, doubts and hopes all messed up in my head. The lump in the throat and the inability to form sentence and words.
Our trooper 2013 after surgery
One year later
As I found out at our 3 month check after surgery was that Frank's Dr. was a Christian and I was able to share with him my journey God brought me on through his surgery. It was a sweet gift for my journey and such a blessing to share our joy in with him in new child we have seen grow and flourish this year has been humbling to get to watch unfold to say the least.
Finally can say Yours Truly (and mean it!)
T
